Yes this could be better written and it is directing on the page. But it was just something different I tried. I cannot divulge what the story is about and it actually becomes much sicker; as sick as The Revenant. In addition location and time is known and depiction is more detailed but many should get the just of this effort. Action is also capitalized in a better version.
I also have a post traumatic scenario involving a young woman and a sick situation but I decided not to put it up as it truly is sick; as sick as The Revenant.
This is also a story based on true events.
Again this is a very rough draft as to give nothing away nor is this a military holocaust scenario or resident evil or horror in the traditional sense.
VERY COLD OPEN:
Screen is black, music starts, sick, sleazy, cheap, grainy
yet well orchestrated like seventies porn, thrashing metal
also punk like, angry, angst, violent.
EXT. LOCATION UNKNOWN, TIME UNKNOWN
VIEW IS AERIAL
Music continues background in tone.
It’s twilight, dawn or dusk, faded city lights in distance
not well maintained. Thunder pops lighting streaks,
dilapidated building comes to view. Frames roll gritty as
building rain in foreground, background, no touch of grey,
View gets closer to building, sun starts to rise, grey gives way to variance
in tone, color, yet still gritty, foreboding as we inch
closer perhaps wishing it had stayed grey to ease what is to
come parallel to musics preparation for us.
Death, destruction, crime, corruption, homeless tattered
clothes, covered in filth, reeking from visual depiction
alone, a true holocaust representing ages all.
View comes to street level pans and holds at building entrance. (More detailed)
INT. DILAPIDATED BUILDING
Upon entering building “Ratso Rizzo’s” place from Midnight
Cowboy looked like a palace in comparison. Outside was no
better or worse than inside, strewn around, same picture of a
human holocaust. (This is also much more detailed)
Music ends only to be replaced with coughing, wheezing,
moaning just as sick and sleazy as the music. Not a sound a
normal human wants to hear or could even tolerate prolonged
without getting ill themself. Picture is now engrained within our minds as we exit.
In hindsight this could be considered troll bait but it was never my intent to do such to people.
All screenwriting starts as crap. It is sad that some people at one time actually thought this an efforted attempt at some real completed work of screenwriting. Why would anyone put up anything golden unproduced on any site except maybe a cancelled show spec. This was just an attempt to show a different skill set for a few director’s who might want such polished.
It was sad some personal attacks this caused. It could have cost the firing of people in today’s world. Anything in blue was not in the original post.
Michael Lee Burris
“I will never stop driving a creative revolutionary wheel of desire and determination always needing genuine help along the way.”