No wonder this story is in knots.
Have you ever just been cruising along and all of sudden a fearful reality pops up making you feel as though you have been or you’ll be discovered a fraud.
Fortunately for me it was an old reality and a mistake I made letting someone or at times someones stop me. My nature wanted to chalk it up as a good thing, find something I could use about it and never revisit that feeling again.
I can use recognizing that as such and know when to leave an environment because of recognition and projecting the conduciveness or usefulness of an environment but maturity would have taught me that on its own.
We are all frauds in some way but that’s in a totally different context.
I’m to the point in my life that I just figure non believers end up their own deceivers with me. They don’t drive me in any way anymore. I have nothing left to prove to them and don’t have to convince myself. Perhaps not acknowledging such people in my life is OK at my age.
Are they a part of what made me who I am today? Not really because in the aftermath I was the only one who could drive me where I need me to be. (Family is an exception. Usually.)
I’m not going to bash such people from my past but their credit in any way really should be zero but yet those are the people who say…
“Oh; he is for real. We better jump on that bandwagon.”
It has taken me much time to grow and get better. In total reality I simply can’t care about anyone from my past that had no good intentions for me and used me because of their own guilt or shortcomings.
I forgive them without need because that’s who I am. I’m not unforgiving but they are also not a healthy caring about from me anymore.
I’m going home soon for what I hope is the last time in a long time. I’m scared a little even at my age because I know I’m not well there but currently I’m not well where I am either. I’m well without either environment. Seriously.
I’m not in some denial thinking some environment will change who I am. I’m a stable, somewhat crazy screenwriter/lyric minded multiple creative person now but I instinctively know an environment or me is not well when I’ve outgrown that environment. Luckily I still have my happy place environment but I really think I’m to the point in my life where I need to just start my life over.
I’m a very difficult and moody person to deal with personally at times, normal creatively and probably still sub par business minded but I’ll get there. I wouldn’t mind studio life for a while maybe finding the love of my life somewhere that’s finally my match and can relate to my world as much as I can hers. (Familiar with multiple creative type guys and not necessarily associated directly with a studio.)
I live in the reality of what it takes to create fantasy worlds and maybe I am to the point I can only have a healthy relationship with those types of people for a while. Maybe I’m just a little hungrier than I thought for such a life. The culmination of me and my development are to the point I need to utilize and follow my sense of where I truly belong.
I’ve evolved and cannot expect some people to always understand that.
One another important thing to note is that perhaps people have felt the same about me at points in their life. I don’t need to suffer and sacrifice. I’ve paid my dues and tried to make myself the best man who I can be. Hopefully sometime soon I will find that woman that helps me want to maintain being a better man, not dummy me down unless I truly need it, don’t try to break me, don’t always try to fix me and just love me as much as I love her. Is that too much to want and ask at this point in my life?
Yet in a fantasy world and reality of a writer’s room every one of those aforementioned make beautiful relatable sitcom.
As I’ve said before fame and/or fortune, whatever degree of success is just to create more beautiful media that audiences want to consume and feel satisfied about.
I guess I’m just trying to pull myself out of thinking back, living in a past that in ways was more traumatic than I thought. Perhaps I’m making something out of nothing and the person or persons I have in mind really don’t wish bad karma upon me but maybe they do? Maybe they can read this and listen to my voice this way because they won’t listen to or really get an opportunity to hear a spoken word of what and who I am evolved. I can accept me now and if they can’t well.. that’s on them.
That’s reality my friends. Like it or not. Like me or not. I sure will be glad when this first month foundation/getting to know me blog is over. I’m a complex person but pretty damn normal in the media industry and sometimes I just don’t want to tell my story.
I need and want with every fiber of my being to be in the reality of creation of fantasy worlds.
I guess what I’m trying to say is… I’m for sale. LOL
Never thought I’d just come right out saying that but yeah I’m for sale and need a job. I won’t disappoint you but I might frustrate the hell out of you in such an inspirational and beautiful way.
Oh and another aspect is I might think somewhat like Walt Disney himself just a wee bit. After all he is my hero. I admire my dad but Walt Disney is my hero.
In reality I’m just little o me from little o small town rural America who just wants to work in the varied media world (No specific company) I watched work in print, on radio, screen, television and now streaming growing up but most importantly in my imagination everywhere I’ve been for a very long time now. Now I can create and help create.
Sure spec.’s are available but at this point in my life I need submersed in a television writer’s room. I’d feel comfortable there unless theme for the day would be whatever show uncomfortabilities and their affordabilities. I can do a list of created works but showing skill set on these two blogs mostly in real-time should be close to sufficient.
I’m for hire in a television writer’s room.
Oh and no I didn’t forget my priorities of getting this demographic specific movie written. Its just that I can do that anywhere in my spare time. I nearly have all the pieces I need to put it together. I’d have to go out there anyway and somehow convince a studio the demographic movie concept is worth it and I hate to say it… Realistically it can be a tough “pitch” because the demographic morale and pride let’s just say has become deflated in recent years. It’s getting harder for them to drive the facade. That’s not just my perspective either. I never would have thought Hollywood could actually fix deflated pride but in their reality and Hollywood’s reality it really could.
It’s not like somebody is going to come to my door with a Limo downstairs tomorrow and say come on you have an appointment in L.A. for whatever studio or writer’s room Friday 10 a.m. Here’s your shot. They need materials and your tone.
What else you got. This.
What else you got. This.
What else you got. This.
You get the just and they are pretty good. I’ve read lots of different stuff just like it that’s successful. Honestly not too many unsuccessful ones though.
Michael Lee Burris
“I will never stop driving a creative revolutionary wheel of desire and determination always needing genuine help along the way.”